Growing up, I didn’t see how guys and girls couldn’t be friends.
And I think I was partially right.
At the time, sure, guys and girls could hang out on the basketball court, play Trumps and just exist as friends.
But once those “guys” became “men” and those “girls” turned into “women,” things changed.
The question — “Can men and women be just friends?” — has long been debated and played out in sitcoms and movies such as “When Harry Met Sally.” In fact, it was in that movie that Harry, played by Billy Crystal, famously says it’s impossible “because the sex part always gets in the way.”
“How do you know?” asks Sally, played by Meg Ryan.
“Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.”
And that conversation pretty much summed it up for a lot of us.
The topic was resurrected in Sunday’s New York Times. Essayist William Deresiewicz said that platonic relationships with the opposite actually aren’t rare at all. “But [sex] doesn’t always get in the way. Maybe you’re not attracted to each other. Maybe you know it would never work out, so it’s not worth screwing up your friendship. Maybe that’s just not what it’s about.”
So what do you think? Can men and women be “just friends”? Or do you think it’s never that simple?
9 Comments
“Just friends” with some hot chick ?? For me, nope.
30 million years of evolution has programmed me to hit on her.
It’s only when her level of attractiveness falls below my radar, can I only then, “be friends”
Again, it’s all genetic. Survival of the species, Darwin’s theory of evolution, etc…
CAT: I don’t know if you recall the Seinfeld episode where they had “friend” sex. I think that one capped it as far as this topic.
Hello Cat, it can be a difficult situation to be in. Men is programed differently, we have two heads and think with the wrong one sometimes….. 🙂
Hey Cat … it’s never that simple … I think most guys, like me, would say being just friends won’t work … at least not very well … and most women, well I don’t know what most women would say … but I’m fairly sure it’s not the same as what us guys would sayl …
… just friends, huh? … that’s a tricky thing … but I will say this …
… I could do it … but I’d probably not like it too much … and I’d always have a lingering thought that the relationship could or should go beyond being just friends …
… let’s face it … most guys probably would rather hang with their buddies … play or watch sports … hit the bars … do some hobby or whatever guys like to do …
… we become good friends with women with motive … and that motive is not to be just friends …
Depends. If you are presently ‘getting some’ and are pretty satisfied, I’d say you can be friends with a beautiful woman with no frustration. If you aren’t but she clearly is not into you, you have no choice but to be friends at most… and one can never have too many friends IMO. However, many guys are dogs- almost any woman of child-bearing age. Not me. The world would have a lot less people if more guys were like me- above-average selectivity.
I have a lot of lady friends, mostly those I have worked with, or we hung out together, surfed together So it is possible.
shur. i can be friends with a woman for years……but then i am very, very patient.
Hmmm. I think the better question is can single guys and single gals be “just friends”? I know for me, if the gal is not available, then the answer is sure we can be just friends. However, when you get into single gals, yeah I we can be friends, but it becomes really hard because there’s always that dynamic of could we hook up? I’m not saying it’s impossible (cause it’s not) but really, really hard.
Talk about a ‘hot button’ topic… I have always had a lot of female friends. It seems easy for me. So yes, I feel sure men and women can be friends. If I ever find myself in another relationship the acid test will be ‘does my girlfriend mingle with, accept, appreciate, and cherish’ my female friends as much as I do. Because if I have learned one thing in my lifetime it is that jealous people need professional help.