You’ve seen ’em, danging from the back bumpers of trucks, an obnoxious oversized pair of plastic testicles.
Testicles. On the back bumper of a Toyota Tacoma next to a sticker that reads, “I love my wife,” just to re-emphasize the heterosexuality of the driver.
I honestly don’t get the whole need-to-express-my-manhood purpose of these danging plastic cojones. What does having plastic testicles on your truck prove? That your truck has balls?
Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks these truck accessories are ridiculous, if not downright offensive.
In 2008 Florida senate lawmakers banned fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of trucks and cars, calling these novelty items — with names like Trucker Nutz or Bumper Balls — offensive.
And last year the mayor of a Long Island village suspended its fire chief for 30 days because he refused to remove a pair of plastic testicles from a fire truck, according to the New York Post. Folks complained, calling the crude set offensive, insensitive and unprofessional.
But wait — it gets better.
Some guys are so fixated on their genitals they refuse to get their dogs neutered. So a Kansas City, Mo. company made a name for itself selling testicular implants for male pets. Yes, implants.
More than 425,000 pet owners have bought into Neuticals, the plastic replacement parts for male dogs. And they come in a variety of sizes for a variety of pets, from gerbils to Clydesdales. The cost can range up to $1,200 for a pair.
Does anyone have the balls to explain this to me?