Dear “Hawaii Five-0” writers,

We feel your pain.

It’s hard enough making the show interesting, figuring out creative plot lines and ways to get Grace Park to wear next to nothing in every episode. We get it.

But we didn’t realize writing in local references could be so tough.

Take tonight’s episode. Did we really need the crash course in how to make kalua pig? We thought just thought the dead body — a cop’s no less! — in the imu was enough.

Or your second episode. You tried to weave in the malassada, a staple in the Islands. But it sounded too forced, like you had to explain to the Mainland audience what it was. Why couldn’t Danno just have eaten the sugary fried dough? Why explain it?

Or when you made the snap — and, well, somewhat controversial, at least on Twitter — decision to use “flip flops” to refer to “slippers.” Oh, that was bad. That was almost unforgivably bad. I mean, we weren’t expecting “rubbah slippahs,” but “flip flops”? That’s just as bad as saying, “thongs.” But local fans came back, hoping you learned from your mistakes.

And the jury is still out.

We know how hard Hawaii can be. It becomes its own character in shows, it has its own personality and quirks. You can’t ignore the beaches and surf and swaying palm trees. But you have to get the basics right. You can’t have a suspect heading east on Ala Wai Boulevard, for example, when it’s a one-way street going west. And you can’t serve shave ice in a stand? We don’t eat it that way.

You got in pakalolo, haole, katonk and fire dancing (that was tonight). But what about plate lunches, sudoku, Spam musubis, Honda Civics, TapouT T-shirts, tribal tattoos, ribbon leis made by Joy Shimabukuro, Zip Pacs and cocoa puffs from Liliha Bakery. I mean, may as well, right?

We don’t envy your job. We’d hate to have to write about, say, Houston or Naperville, Ill. and appeal to the local audience. But maybe having some local input would help.

Or just listen to the #H50 feed. Honestly, you could learn a lot.

***

Highlights:

• Opening. Sure, it was predictable. But I was a big fan of the dead body in the imu.
• When Danno said to Steve McGarrett, “No issues, Oprah.” I don’t know why, but I laughed.
• The use of the old Honolulu Advertiser building. It looks better in the show than it did when I worked there!

Lowlights:

• Wasn’t the biggest fan of Dichen Lachman (“Dollhouse”) in the show. She wasn’t convincing. Still confused why they’re not using local actors…
• Glad to see Jason Scott Lee on the show but couldn’t get over the overly thick Pidgin accent. It was a bit over the top.
• Bronson Pinchot. Balki didn’t work for me.

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at [email protected].

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