There’s a new movie that looks at the age-old rom-com question: Can friends have sex without it getting complicated?
In “No Strings Attached,” Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman play longtime friends who become FWBs — friends with benefits — because they don’t think they can handle (or want) the demands of a committed relationship. (Read the review in the Christian Science Monitor here.)
The concept has sparked — or, should I say, re-sparked — conversations about “friends with benefits” and whether they actually work.
From reading blogs posts and comments to listening to my friends talk about it, it seems the concept is great — as a concept. FWBs don’t last, and often times exactly what the couple had hope to avoid — feelings getting in the way — is exactly what happens.
Like Salon.com’s Tracy Clark-Flory posed, “Given the high stakes, why do we do it?”
Her former “friend fling” shared his take: “Because the idea of sex without consequences is the most awesome thing on the planet … It’s that delicious, delicious mixture of freedom and dependability. You have somebody you can rely on, you have a safety net, you have somebody you can call when you’re lonely — but you have none of the consequences. You get to not commit but still kinda be committed.”
But what’s a relationship without consequences? No, I’m serious. What’s anything in this life without strings attached? Don’t we want strings? They connect us to people, to experiences, they give value and meaning to our lives.
Call me old-fashioned, but I just don’t think these empty relationships are worth the time, effort and potentially damaging outcomes. Sure, it sounds easy and fun and great — but do they really work? Really?
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12 Comments
FWB is a myth, a place for people afraid of something. I think prostitution would be a better solution for these people.
it worked for me, probably because she was lesbian. we were both grad students in RTF at UT Austin we would hole up in her place for long weekends, eat pizza, drink beer and watch videotapes of English comedies, (she was from London), and laugh ourselves into asphyxiation, then have sex ’till the cows came home, get up, go out to breakfast at Trudy’s Texas Star, come back and do it all over again.
it was from her that i learned a quip i’ve often reapeated: ‘lots of lesbians have sex with men. we’re just not dumb enough to fall in love with one.”
@MaxMaxMax @turkfontaine LOVED the original Kerby Lane. and Swedish Hill Bakery, and Omlettry West, Cisco’s, Casita Jorge’s, Night Hawk, Katz’s, Las Manitas, FlapJack Canyon, The Big Wheel, Trudy’s TX Star. NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!! I need a Lone Star longneck and good cry!
@turkfontaine Those are all probably before my time there… I’m a University of Oklahoma grad from the ’80s so early Austin haunts are unfamiliar. From ’99 through ’06 I had an office in Austin that I traveled to every 6 to 8 weeks. So, I know of Kerby Lane, Magnolia Cafe, Thunderbird Subs and various Sixth Street restaurants… along with the best pizza place in the United States–Mangia’s Pizza!
Based on my own experience, I have zero problems with this idea.
It’s fantastic
Most of my FWB situations arose because I asked the hot chick out
Usually after the first date, these chicks always ended the night with ” I just want to be friends, but we can still have fun.”
AWESOME !!!!
Late nite booty calls are very entertaining.
All my FWB are super nice.
They all are warm, kind, funny, intelligent, charming, enchanting, and so much fun to be around.
If they weren’t, I wouldn’t return their calls.
Good times.
Wow…we got some free spirited readers! I’m kinda jealous. FWB is what nature intended for the male species (watch what most animals do). Unfortunately I must be old fashioned or never had the opportunity or never seen the signs. *sigh* But like I mentioned, I think this is something that more men are into than women.
I’ve never gotten into friends with benefits, probably because of the possibility of getting attached to the person. For those who can maintain such a relationship without the attachment, awesome. Go for it. It wouldn’t work out too well for me, though.
@Sushi Same with me… I’d be like a love sick puppy (haha)! Of course being in a twenty year relationship, it’s been awhile since I’ve been “out there” as George Costanza would say… but even before then, I was not good at seeing someone for romps in the hay for more than a couple of times without developing feelings.
I know… I need my man card pulled.
I’ve never gotten into friends with benefits, probably because of the possibility of getting attached to the person. For those who can maintain such a relationship without the attachment, awesome. Go for it. It wouldn’t work out too well for me, though.
CAT: Didn’t Seinfeld have a fling with Elaine like this and it became complicated?
Dear Ms. Old Fashioned,
Ok, you got me this time; two genes associated with monogamous “pair bonding” (oxytocin and vasopressin) have been found in virtually all vertebrates dating to 500 million years ago.
Still feel “old fashioned”…?
Call me an old-fashioned Southern boy, but when I found the girl I liked enough to want to be best friends with and loved enough to want to take it to the next level, I married her. 😉