A new movie released tomorrow raised an interesting question: if you caught your best friend’s spouse cheating, what would you do?
That’s the premise behind “The Dilemma,” starring Vince Vaughn and Kevin James. They play best friends and partners in an auto design firm. But Ronny (Vaughn) catches Nick’s (James) wife making out with another guy. And that leaves him wondering what to do. (Read the New York Times review.)
It’s a common dilemma, actually, where you have information that’s both vital and hurtful to your friend.
Me? I’d tell her. Straight up. I wouldn’t let my girlfriend stay with someone who’s cheating on her. But I would have to be absolutely, positively sure her husband were cheating. Could you imagine if he wasn’t? You may have just ruined a marriage — and likely your friendship.
So I’m throwing it out there: if you caught your best friend’s significant other cheating, what would you do? Be honest and risk losing your friendship? Or keep it to yourself? After all, it’s none of your business, right?
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18 Comments
If I suspected wrongdoing, I’d tell my best friend what I saw or knew without offering any conclusions. Incomplete information can not only be incriminating but misleading. A good friend would know I had their best interests at heart.
“…without offering any conclusions.”
Wise advice H2000. “Just the facts ma’am,” as Friday would say!
I’d tell her immediately… because over the years I have learned they already knew and either were OK with it or were doing the same themselves. these are different times I am afraid.
Before I say anything, and I would say something, I would have to have concrete evidence. I wouldn’t want to bring up something truley hurtful unless I knew it was for the betterment of my friend. I would present said evidence and let my friend choose their own path on handling the situation. None the less I would let my friend know that they have my full support on what ever they choose to do.
agree with Hawaii2000 a true friend would know that you have the best intentions at heart, and YOU know what your intentions are… thus, come clean with it, and tell what you saw… That’s what I’d do. On a side note, I’ve NEVER cheated on a GF in my life… NEVER… but then, only really had ONE… it is what it is…
I caught a ‘good’ friend’s husband cheating on her.. (wow was THAT uncomfortable).. so I went to her best friend with the information and let the ‘best’ friend decide what to do with it..
she ended up telling the friend. Then the friend called me for details.
@kfinches Luckily, I’ve never had this dilemma before. I mean, I’ve had friends who were dating jerks and it’s tough deciding whether you should tell them or not. But if I literally caught someone cheating, I feel like I’d have to say something. I’d want to know!
No dilemma. You inform the friend. Case closed.
Hello Cat,
If you are 100% sure, you do what’s best and tell your friend.
Cat ask your mom how the ladies in K-dramas deal with cheaters. Good times. 😉
@808marv Does it involve weapons?
@Cat Attempting to pull out/mess up the “other woman”‘s hair is usually the punishment of choice, but in one drama last night and angry aunt used a golf club to smash a few things in the mistresses’ office. Hardcore!
@808marv @Cat Heh… I was thinking along the line of “Fatal Attraction”. (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093010/)
If I were married to Winona Ryder, I would be on my knees everyday, thanking God I was married to her.
If my best friend told me she was cheating on me, yes I would want to know.
I would be galactically heartbroken, hurt, betrayed, but I would forgive Winona, and hope she would stay with me.
Why?
Because she’s Winona Ryder.
Everytime I see her, I think, wow,wow, and wow.
………………………………………………………………………….
A little blackmail of the cheater would benefit everyone involved. I would make a few bucks, the cheater would learn that infidelity has consequences (think of it as a ‘teachable moment’ as Oprah would say), and my friend…well, there’s no positive outcome for my pal, but at least my wallet would get fatter. And my friend would be happy for me, right?
i got a hint about what i’d do from Broadway Danny Rose.
i’d find a ‘beard’, a third party who was not in a BF relationship with either, but who knew them well enough to know what he or she was seeing. i’d convince the beard that my friend deserved to know, but that the initial shock should not be accompanied by the secondary shock of having the knowledge delivered by the best friend.
this would be difficult to arrange, but that’s why they pay me the big bucks.
@turkfontaine OMG scary. I was thinking the same thing. I wouldn’t deliver the news myself! That just sets me up to have my friendship end badly.
You can’t hold it in for long. It’ll depend on how close you are to your friend and the dilemma can go both ways (either partner “cheating” on the other). I’d need to have more concrete evidence than just a flirt or a peck on the cheek fling. If there’s evidence then I’d be obligated to tell my bud face to face.
Yes, I’ve been in this “dilemma” before but it was the my bud who was the unfaithful one and we had to tell the females of our gang tell the girl friend of my bud since we (the guys) didn’t know her too well.