A friend of mine who got married a few years ago ran down the list of must-dos for my upcoming nuptials.
And many of those included wedding traditions I wasn’t planning on perpetuating.
Things like cutting the cake, folding 1,000 cranes, tossing the bridal bouquet and wearing something borrowed and blue. I don’t even have a bridal party and the only attendants we’ll have at the ceremony are four-legged and very untrustworthy with wedding rings.
I know weddings are steeped in tradition, with everything — from the garter belt to the best man — pinned with significance. And I know our culture plays a role in this, too. But I don’t know enough about the meaning behind each tradition to feel strongly about incorporating them into our wedding.
Why do we share the first piece of wedding cake? Why should I toss the bridal bouquet? Do I really have to wear white?
As you could probably imagine, my wedding is going to be a super casual affair. No program, no speeches, no slide show. It’s just going to food and drinks and music — that’s it.
I told my girlfriend this and she just shook her head. “You have to do something that’s traditional,” she said, slightly exasperated. “I mean, it’s a wedding.”
What do you think? Are there traditions worth keeping? Or would you — did you — ditch tradition to do you own thing?
24 Comments
My wedding was super casual too but it was also relatively small. We didn’t have a program and opted not to do things like the 1,001 cranes or bouquet toss. I gave my bouquet to my mom. We did cut the cake and “feed” each other but didn’t announce it. I think as long as you are happy and it’s the wedding you want, that’s all that matters. I loved the fact that we could spend time with our guests and not worry about following a program.
Cuz, it’s your wedding just do what makes you happy 🙂
I’d say keep the things you like and ditch the things you don’t. I wore a very colorful wedding dress, no bridesmaids, no ring bearer, etc., had a couple of guys playing guitar for our first dance, cut the cake. I didn’t do things like the cranes, planned speeches, toss the bouquet (because I always hated having to to up to catch the thing at other weddings). We had a handful of people get up and say something, not because we asked them to, which was ok. Even though we kept it relatively small (60 guests) and simple it was still a whirlwind.
Repeat after me… It’s my F*&^@#G wedding … and it really is. If you consider yourself to be an original thinker, and it is apparent you are, then why would you do something so unoriginal by having ANY traditional elements IN YOUR F*&^@#G wedding?
And of course, as always, I have no strong opinions….
I’m glad you’re having a casual wedding. That’s the way I’d do it. The most important thing is the marriage, not the wedding. Wedding is only one day. Marriage is the rest of your life.
Hello Cat,
It’s your wedding and you do whatever you what yo do. Who cares what others think it’s about you and Derek want……
Good Morning Cat,
My wife & I had a pretty casual event–Treetops in Manoa on a Saturday morning after Thanksgiving. Brunch was in order & everyone in attendance, less than 100 guests, had a great time and the rest of the day to start that dreaded X-mas shopping.
I agree with the other replies. It’s yours & Derek’s wedding, so you decide on what traditions if any to follow. Here’s an idea, if you decide on Senbazuru (1000 cranes), I believe many of your blog followers including myself would be willing to fold a few as sort of a wedding gift. You have my e-mail address, so if interested contact me.
The planning is both exciting & terrifying, isn’t it?!
You know- it’s funny. I did fold 1000 cranes, but I’m hispanic. So it was a little unexpected. However, we didn’t do a bouquet or garter toss because it seemed pointless to me- and something that my friends dreaded rather than looked forward to.
I didn’t even have flowers. My bouquet was (is, really) made of crystal and twisted wire with peacock feathers. It weighs about 5 lbs. Because it seemed pointless to me to spend money on flowers that wouldn’t last.
And you know what? Most people still tell me that my wedding was one of the most fun they went to in awhile- they never bring up what we didn’t do. So do what feels right for the both of you!
Wedding traditions are mildly amusing and mostly rooted in European religion and superstition.
Bruce Lee spoke best–and quite critically–of those who place to much emphasis on such things: “Your mind is the product of one thousand yesterdays,” he said.
I concur; follow that inner compass and damn the naysayers!
Oh goodness…please don’t do something just ’cause it’s tradition. That’s lame. It’s your day. Do it the way you want to. If you ask me, traditional cookie-cutter weddings are sooooo boring.
Hey Cat … as others have already said … it’s your’e party and you can cry if you want to …
… but … it is a party … and it’s like putting on a show for family and friends … who, rightfully or not, may be expecting some kind of production … of course if you decide on a nice evening with dinner and music … I’m sure everyone will just enjoy it as much in sharing the special day with you two …
… imho … if it were my wedding … I’d still want a little something in there that just says it’s a wedding … traditional, non-traditional, whatever … just something … like a serenade to my bride … of no, maybe I’ve given away Derek’s planned secret song for you … pouring our his love for you through song … yeah, haha, if you weren’t already planning this Derek, I say do it!!! … it’s a once in a lifetime thing!!! … (does Derek even read this blog???) …
… anyways, traditions are not all that bad … I mean, don’t we all blow out candles and eat cake at a birthday … I don’t know the meaning behind it … but we do it, and a birthday just isn’t the same without it …
i have to agree w/ everyone who says do what you want. my cousin had a lovely, very small wedding (less than 30 people). no speeches, no dancing, no bouquet or garter tossing. i had one friend who rented a house on the beach and did everything there. you could have the ceremony barefoot in the sand, cocktail reception after, then paddle off into the sunset!
It’s your wedding…do what you want to do. When I planned my wedding, I tossed out all those things that I didn’t like about other weddings. You know, those things that make you roll your eyes, and thought about what really matters, especially to guests. So that then made my priorities food and drink. There was no bouquet toss, no something blue & borrowed, no garter toss, no speeches. Music came from an ipod. And after lunch (it was a day wedding to cut back on costs), we went surfing in our wedding attire. That made for the best pictures.
CAT:
The only important tradition I think is for your Dad to walk you down the aisle. To me it is symbolic of his success as a father and provider to get you to this point in your life. While he gives you away, it is a source of pride for a father to know that his daughter will be in capable hands. While he may not say it, your Dad will be very touched by this tradition, and you should be as well. All the other stuff is mere window dressing. If you really want to be different, have both your parents walk you down the aisle.
I concur on this one tradition.
I agree with Annoddah Dave …. as a Dad, I would hate to miss out on this tradition.
I would also say that while the focus of the wedding should certainly be centered on the wishes of the bride and groom, I think that there is something to say about the fact that in many cases, the wedding signifies a transition for the parents too (and bringing two families together).
I agree with Dave, it was one of my prourdest moments, as father of the bride.
We did some traditional things at our wedding like toss the bouquet and stuff. It should be totally up to the both of you whether you want to have anything traditional at your own wedding. I don’t think you have to wear white. There are tons of beautiful wedding dresses that aren’t. I did wear white but I also wore slippers. 🙂
My wedding was small and very casual and the only traditional thing we did was cut the cake together and feed each other the first bite. That was just fun because we both just tried to get the cake all over each other’s faces. We’ve been married for almost 9 years now and to this day don’t regret the way we had our wedding and wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve been to so many weddings that were candidates for “wedding of the year” but it was clear the bride and groom were so busy following the “schedule” or so exhausted from preparing for it that they didn’t even have time to really enjoy their own wedding.
It’s your wedding so you should do what you and Derek feel comfortable with. Do things to make the memories that will mean the most to you for years to come and if that doesn’t include bouquet tossing and garter hunting, so be it! 🙂
Cat, as a photographer, when I talk to my couples, I ask what they’re planning to do during the program reminding them that they should do what they want. After all it’s THEIR wedding. Not their Mom’s, not their friend’s wedding, not mine but THEIR wedding.
It’s YOUR wedding. You do what you want to do and I’m sure your photographer will adjust and adapt to capture the essence of your wedding.
Like everyone else says, it is your (and Derek’s) wedding, so do what you both want to do.
That said, I always enjoy the program, especially the part about how the couple met, and the slide show. It’s a chance to connect with some of your guests who are only familiar with one part of your life, e.g., current friends who don’t know about your childhood, or family who don’t know how you an Derek got together.
It’s also a chance to express your love and appreciation for your families and friends.
Definitely do what makes you happy, there are no rules! If you think something is worth doing, do it. If not, throw it out! We didn’t keep the top of our cake (gross frozen year old cake), we didn’t do a receiving line, no flower girls or ring bearers, program etc.
We did toss the bouquet, cake cutting, father/daughter dance, etc. We just did what WE thought was important to us! Have a great time girl, you deserve it!
We had a small wedding, self catered, popped the champange cut the cake (didn’t smear it)). Then we went to the local cowboy bar where all of her old classmates and boy friends tried to get me drunk. The next morning we headed to the Florida Keys for a camping honeymoon.
all i have to say it’s your wedding day and it’s really up to the both of you of what you both want to do! No matter what people will always talk but who cares what they say b/c it wasn’t their wedding.
get married out in the ocean in your bikini derek in his boardshorts and have the guest just watch from a catamaran or canoe.
It’s your day you choose…and if people don’t like then they just won’t come.
Remember the year is 2012 and not 1960’s where everything is so traditional.