Despite how many photos I post on Facebook or how many times I may like the status updates of my friends, I actually don’t spend a lot of time on the social networking site.
In fact, if I didn’t have to keep it up for work-related purposes, I’d probably deactivate my account and spend more time watching “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”
As a writer, though, I’ve found Facebook and other social networking sites to be very helpful tools. I can connect with readers and editors, I can promote blog posts, and I can meet people interested in the same things I am (namely food, travel and small dogs).
And — let’s be honest here — I can, ahem, do research, too.
Oh, we’ve all done it. We’ve looked up old flames, searched for past crushes, voyeur-ed through the photo albums of crazy ex-coworkers.
And among my single friends, Facebook has become the go-to way to learn more about a potential mate. Call it “pre-dating.”
According to a survey of singles by Match.com, 48 percent of women research a guy on Facebook before the first date. Some women say it saves time; others admit they’re just curious. Whatever the reason, though, Facebook-stalking can backfire — and bad.
Experts have said trolling online for intel may kill the romance, may influence you too early and inaccurately, and may cause you to be too judgmental.
And, at least in my experience, you might learn too much.
Like my single girlfriend who Facebook-stalked a guy she was starting to see — and found photos of handwritten cards he had given his ex-girlfriend that were so sweet and thoughtful, she felt enough of a twinge of jealousy that she never returned his phone calls. The relationship was over before it even started.
Sometimes knowing too much — or finding out about things too soon — isn’t helpful in starting relationships. I’d rather not know about the anniversary dinners he spent with an ex-girlfriend or the snowboarding trips he went on with another woman he dated. It’s too much information — and photos are just too tangible to forget.
I can see the temptation in voyeur-ing into people’s lives, especially those you’re keenly interested in on an emotional level. But I can’t see any good coming out of knowing what someone you’re starting to date did three months ago or how he spent Christmas in 2009.
I’d rather he tell me about his previous relationships than have to see it spread out all over Facebook.
It’s not that the less you know, the better. I think it’s the less you see, the better.
Agree?
8 Comments
It is indeed a powerful tool for research… for a whole lot of people. When I taught Entrepreneurship at Elon I frequently had guest speakers come to class. All of them advised students to kill their Facebook accounts or make them almost completely off-limits to anyone but family and close friends. They would tell students that their hiring manager would see pictures of them at a wild party and toss their resumes. Unfair? Absolutely. Reality? BIG TIME. I closed LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook. Why? Simple really. Picked up my son from SC, he was visiting my ex/his mom. On the way home he said his mother had made him watch a video on child safety and the internet. Sure enough when I got home I found a few non recognizable names listed a friend requests and new followers on Twitter etc. I looked their names up online and lo and behold they worked for a Raleigh Law firm specializing in child safety and family law. Knowing my exs penchant for legal action and inheritance I killed the sites immediately. In 4.5 years I will join up somewhere.
It is a sad world when child safety lawyers and other wackos scour the internet digging up crap on people. Everyone it seems these days is Sherlocke Holmes.
Are you serious?!?!? Crazy! So you’re really not on any social media anymore????
CAT: Yes!
We lose the art of story telling that is a part of getting to know someone. Isn’t part of that process hearing a person’s stories? And I get that same chance too, right? I prefer the process of discovery, mystery is part of the magic of getting to know nice people.
However, to avoid getting involved with psychos, trolling thru available sources of intel is a smart way of avoiding trouble. The fine line is knowing when to revel in mystery and when to distance yourself from trouble!
That’s true. Having everything online just takes the fun out of getting to know someone!
Hey Cat … social networking sites are great … when utilized properly and in moderation … ha! … there’s so much unnecessary stuff being posted on sites like facebook … and yeah, some of if might be regretted at some later point …
… it just boggles my mind … that people will post pictures … that they wouldn’t typically show off to their casual friends … or post comments … that they wouldn’t normally say in real life …
… but on facebook, etc. … it’s ok …
… yes, less is much much better ..
LESS is more, in this case, for sure. It’s crazy how much personal information people post on social media sites… Crazy.
I heard HPD is getting a LOT more domestic abuse cases as a result from FB and other social media sites, due to spouses hooking up with exes and new flames. Crazy! I’m sure they’re tracking the stats, as you’re familiar with from HA days.
Speaking of which, when my dad was pursuing his MBA, he had a side job as a Statistician for the Honolulu Advertiser. He also was a police officer in Hilo county way, way WAY back in the day, when, speaking of which again, he left the force specifically because of domestic abuse calls that were just plain ridiculous. Imagine now, with the whole FB dramas coming into the picture. Ack! Give our men in blue (black actually) credit. That’s all I gotta’ say.