A few of my girlfriends are getting married this year.
And so I am — except all this wedding talk has really scared me off.
Guest lists, centerpieces, favors, budgets — these are things I’ve been trying to avoid all my life. And now I’m in the midst of them. Either helping my girlfriends with their weddings or thinking about what I’m going to do at mine.
I didn’t realize, until I started crunching the numbers, just how expensive a wedding — more like the reception — can be.
According to a recent survey by The Knot, the average wedding is now about $27,800. But in larger urban areas — and yes, Hawaii counts — it’s more like $40,000.
For one night.
And, let’s face it, one night that will matter to only you.
I’ve been a bridesmaid, emcee, favor-maker, origami crane-folder and bachelorette party-planner — and that’s how I got my first glimpse into the cost associated with weddings.
But until I started making calls and talking with friends in the throes of planning, I had no idea how expensive it is to just get hitched. (And I now have a sincere admiration for people who elope to Vegas.)
Why?
Why is it so expensive?
And why do couples spend so much on this one night?
I realize it’s an important start to this lifelong commitment. You want it to be perfect. You want people to have fun. And you want everyone to leave, saying, “Hey, that was a really nice wedding!” But should you take out a loan or use every last bit of savings to pay for this?
You tell me.
Because I really need to know!
22 Comments
Skip the big reception, do a small family dinner and donate the money that you would have spent to a good charity. That will have a longer lasting, more meaning full effect (or affect?) than 1 night of partying that most guests will have been bored at by the second course. #myplan
Some of the best weddings I’ve been too were backyard affairs. Why spend a fortune that you don’t have? My niece used a country club had it out side and the family catered it ourselves.
The cost of weddings now days are absurd! I went to a traditional Hawaiian wedding in Nanakuli a few years ago in the backyard of the groom’s home. It was beautiful and the food? Well it was “home cooked” with lots of love… need I say more?
You can spend $40k and have a wedding that you both will remember the rest of your lives. But that money could also make a nice down payment on a home…..just ‘sayin.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Any baby names picked out?
This is probably a tougher question for couples with large families or who have tons of friends. Because the fewer people involved/invited, the smaller the tab.
Personally, I wouldn’t spend $40k on a wedding and I absolutely would not take out a loan for even a part of that. This is something young people need to think about and saving towards early, and by that, I mean as soon as possible. But as others have said, this is money that could be (better?) spent on other things.
I think the huge weddings I have seen are sad. They’re about the extravaganza and the showing off, not the starting of a new life together. The amount of money wasted on one night could help bankroll the new couple toward a house, not frittered on table decorations, fancy invitations, matching bridesmaid dress, etc.
I had a simple wedding – at the Hotel Del Coronado. We used the courtyard to marry at a reasonable rate because we had the wedding lunch there, which was far more affordable than dinner. I wore my mom’s wedding dress, and had one attendant, so I told her she could wear whatever she wanted, which resulted in the only truly happy bridesmaid in history. Oh, and we danced to a mix tape we put together ourselves, because live bands can be so intrusive when all most people want to do is talk. It was a lovely day and I wouldn’t swap a minute of it for any back-breaking, stress-producing, money-wasting “big” wedding.
Just go to the beach, have a potluck. It will be lovely. If you have a friend who plays guitar, that’s a plus. Just realize the YOU have a CHOICE.
Hey Cat … I guess I missed the big engagement announcement … or was there one??? … I’m not even quite sure that you say it on todays blog … kinda sorta …
… anyway, I’ve just assumed that you and Derek would … someday … Congratulations …
… the wedding party is for the guests … and not necessarily for the “guests of honor” – the bride and groom … I think the bride and groom have too much to take care of before, during and after the wedding party … to really enjoy it …
… yes, there are special moments and it is romantic … but is it really worth the $40K??? … would your friends and family fault you for not having an extravagent wedding party??? … it’s really up to you … it’s your once in a lifetime event …
… I love extravagant wedding parties, hehe … speaking from a guest point of view …
CAT: I did it my way…as the song goes. Got married with only family attending the wedding ceremony and dinner at the house. That was cheap. Waited about 3 months so we could plan the wedding reception and made a loan for it. The cost of the reception was based on what we thought guests would give in monetary gifts to essentially pay back the loan. It turned out that our estimate was very much on with some change to spare. By having the reception later, there was no pressure to make sure everything was on a time line. We enjoyed the company and could relax. There was no worry about changing clothes, fooling with all the little details of a combined wedding ceremony and reception. It was a breeze. The wedding reception is for friends and families and things were much looser because you are already married several months hence. Sounds very business like but it is less stress on parents if the couple decide to do it on their own. Estimating the revenue on guests’ gift is one way to limit the size of the affair and cost. Bridal registry stuff is a joke unless your friends and family are uber rich, you got have a big house, and daddy is paying for everything. Why put your parents in a hole…do it on your own, cause that’s what it’s going to be like from now on.
Happy wedding to you! I say, don’t get caught up in the hype and what you’re “supposed” to do. Really, there are no rules, other than doing what makes you happy and what you can comfortably afford. We spent less than half of Hawaii’s average — only what we could afford to dish out on our own, without gifts or loans — and never had a single regret.
Unless someone owns a house, has a solid retirement funded, and is totally debt-free, I can’t see blowing $40K on a wedding. Those things matter a lot more to us than a fancy party we can’t afford. We’ll enjoy them a lot longer, too. That’s just me, though.
Hello Cat!
A BIG CONGRATULATIONS!
You got my address? 🙂
And a BIG huuuuggggg!
The closest family and friends, that’s all that needs to be there. We had a small wedding upstairs of the Pagoda Restaurant in the round room overlooking the pond. I made sure that we personally knew everyone we invited and have close contact with. It was very intimate with just a “sweetheart table” and my “honorary bridesmaids.” They were just a few of my friends who helped out, but no entourage. Everyone that attended said they had the most fun at our wedding. The dancing was crazy, we got up and talked to everyone, and also got up to get our own food.
A wedding doesn’t have to be extravagant to have it be memorable to your guest. Just focus on your love and extend it to your family and friends.
It doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s up to you. Your wedding you can spend as much as you want or as little as you want. You can just go Las Vegas and just do a drive thru wedding. Mines was very simple, wedding was at the beach and reception was just relatives at a chinese restaurant.
Nothing wrong with a potluck reception. Make a big picnic out of it. After all you both are the outdoor type.
For my daughters wedding, we catered the wedding. Each side put in a couple thousand each and we decided on the menu and then figured out the amount of guests to invite. Worked out pretty good. Just remember you can’t invite everyone nor please everyone either.
Decide on your wedding favors and start now if can so no need stress out. FloraDec in Honolulu get some great ideas. We flew over from Hilo to shop there.
David’s bridal is a good website for ideas too.
Oh well, it’s been about 6 years since we planned our daughters wedding. Lots of stress, so try do as much as can as early as possible.
Oh and congratulations 😀
Congrats Cat!
The most important thing is to remember whether it’s large or small, a wedding reception is really just a big party.
Were were married at Waialae Country Club 7 years ago with about 200 people and had a blast. Tons of dancing, impromptu hula, cocktails and laughter. It was a celebration at a time when our extended family really needed a pick-me-up, took only 3 months to plan and well under budget (except for the alcohol). My rule was that we were planning a party, not a wedding and that everyone had to have a good time.
If we were to get married today, we’re a little older and wiser. We would probably get married on a beach with immediate family and friends, redo our kitchen and invite everyone over for a party.
Keep it simple, make it YOUR wedding. On the beach in board shorts if that is your thing! 🙂 I think it is ridiculous to go into debt for a wedding. The money would be so much better spent on a down payment for a house. You can do the wedding you want, just be creative! Can’t wait! 🙂 Congrats!
Vegas wedding, new car. Any questions?
Potluck. I’ll bring potato salad.
Congratulations Cat !!!
My Husby and I got married in 2010 and right from the start – we both decided that it’s just one night… nothing we should go into debt for. I think that you should be happy with the end product (which for me – was having my husby and I become a family) everything else is filler. We had an outdoor wedding at Kaka’ako and held our reception at Hale Ikena (at Fort Shafter) rather than in a hotel in Waikiki. We picked places that meant something to us (he proposed at Kaka’ako, and we loved the food and staff at Hale Ikena). Whatever your plans become just try to stay happy thru-out. It all goes so quickly.
oh and congratulations on your engagement!!!
We had a 9 course Chinese dinner……at lunchtime! It was our wedding so I responded to everyone with “I don’t have to do anything for our wedding, unless you are going to pay for it yourself!”. Therefore, I skipped flowers, decorations, favors, open bar, and the wedding cake! The reception lunch was 4 months after the civil service, so no time crunch!
Remember that it is your day, and you won’t remember the details, so cut out anything that you’ve seen dozens of times at other weddings.