I’ve always been an accommodating girlfriend.
Whenever my boyfriends have professed their disdain for Valentine’s Day — a common complaint, really — that it’s an overly commercialized holiday that guilts guys into spending hundreds of dollars on flowers, candies and candlelit dinners, I’d have to agree. (Believe it or not, the total spending that will be reached by Valentine’s Day in the U.S. is $18.6 billion.)
I clearly remember one boyfriend awhile back who said, “Why do I need to be forced to do something special for you on Valentine’s Day when there are 364 other days of the year when I love you?”
At the time, I was totally onboard.
He was right. Why allow big businesses — department stores, restaurants, florists — to mandate men throwing entire paychecks at overpriced gifts and dinners? Why let Corporate America dictate how someone shows his love and affection? And, like he said to me, why wait until Feb. 14 to show me he cares?
Well, I believed it until I realized something: I wasn’t getting all that love and affection those other 364 days of the year. He didn’t take me to nice dinners or buy me flowers.
And I wasn’t getting anything on Valentine’s Day, either.
I was effectively getting screwed.
So I changed my attitude toward the holiday.
I love Valentine’s Day — and for all the reasons I’m told (and sold) to.
I love that it’s one day out of the year people show their love for each other, whether in a sweet handmade greeting card or a lavish couple’s weekend on Kauai. Why not make the time — c’mon, it’s just one day! — to do something nice for another person? Is it really that hard?
Look, I was single for years, too, and I know how awful it can be to see happy couples posting photos of their romantic dinners and diamond pendants on Facebook — while you’re home alone with two dogs and a bag of Doritos. I’ve been there, too, and hated the annual love fest as much as the next single girl.
But Valentine’s Day is about love — not necessarily romantic love. Stats show that one out of five roses bought around Valentine’s Day was for the buyer’s mom. (Cue the aaaawww.) And there have been many years I’ve met up with single friends and celebrated our friendship, which is jam-packed full of love, too.
After a few years, my boyfriend at the time compromised with me. We celebrated Valentine’s Day on Feb. 13 instead. (He claimed he didn’t want to fight crowds at restaurants on the actual night. I admitted that was a good plan.)
He realized I had a point: what’s wrong with celebrating the love you have for each other one day out of the year? Is that such a bad thing?
18 Comments
mmmmmm Doritos
My single friends and I used to get together and make solo lasagnas. Someone would bring individual small loaf pans, and others would bring lasagna noodles, ricotta cheese, pepperoni, and other ingredients. We’d assemble our lonely hearts lasagnas, throw them in the oven, and enjoy each other’s company with board games or a movie.
They’re all married now (yes, all of them), so I have solo lasagna by myself. I can’t say it sucks. 🙂
(I didn’t mention that Solo Lasagna night was on February 14, a detail that makes my explanation above more relevant)
Also, how great is GALENTINE’S Day?! I mean, I’m old and married, but I still have mad love for my girlfriends. A day to celebrate great friends is just as valid as one to celebrate romantic love 🙂
Cat my goodness… if you want to know the point where I completely lost it reading this I’ll be happy to tell you. But for now, from the bottom of my heart Happy Cyber Valentine’s Day! May what you are looking for find you 🙂
i saw a shitload of reasons why he is not your boyfriend now.
Cat, I agree with you. No matter how commercialized it gets, what’s wrong with a nice homemade dinner and an “I LOVE YOU” scribbled on a construction paper heart. Just becasue they have flowers and all that, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate it no matter your budget.
Having said all that, my husband has the same attitude as your past boyfriends. Eventually, he has held up his end of the bargain and I do get surprises from time to time throughout the year. (But I do need to remind him that, “no, honey. Giving me 2 kids does not count.”)
Hello Cat,
Valentine’s Day should be everyday and not only the guys should be doing something special for their significant other but the ladies should do the same for the guys. It takes two to have a relationship.
You are awesome. “Awe some”, even.
Sweetest’s Day is in October. I’m guessing the Anti-Valentine didn’t celebrate that one either. I can understand not wanting to battle dinner crowds on Valentine’s Day, but calling it conscientious objection?
Celebrating where you are with what and whom you have with you is the best way to go. Doritos are great. To spice things up a bit, Frito Lay’s new Dinamita Chile Limon rolled chips are even better, plus the finger tips all end up Valentine’s Day red.
Happy Valentines Day Cat!
Happy V-Day Cat!
My wife & I never celebrate 02-14, because of all the reasons at the top of your blog you wrote, rather always celebrate that the anniversary of the day we met in April. Our lives have never been the same since, sure with rough spots, but to be in love is (or should be) without condition or expectation. I tell my better 1/2 that I love you just a bit more than the previous day because isn’t a relationship always building on common experiences? So my answer to your question, is that it’s not a bad thing, but it’s certainly as much of a state of mind as well as heart! Have a great weekend.
Happy Valentines Day Cat!
Hey Cat … I don’t mind the commercialization of Valentines Day or that it “forces” you to show express your love on this one day …
… what I don’t like is that is that it’s that annual reminder of how terrible you’ve been at expressing love the rest of the year … and that you can weasel your way out of it with this one day of affection …
… can’t buy love??? … ha! … on this one day, maybe you can …
… but I do love the candy from all those who just want to celebrate the sweet side of Valentines …
… Happy Valentines Day!!! …
CAT: “Will you be my Valentine”…shades of 4th grade!! LOL As you know I am old, fat, and poor so I guess my Valentine don’t count.
Hi Cat. I used to work in the restaurant business for a long time. So obviously Valentine’s Day was a big money maker and we never ever got the day off for as long as I worked in a restaurant. So me and my wife, we used to go out to “Valentine’s Day” dinner on the following week, say Feb. 21. Worked out well. Besides, my birthday is 2 days before Valentine’s Day so we celebrated both (I think I got gypped but that’s okay…). What kinda sucked was that I was shopping for a Valentine’s Day gift on my birthday a lot of times. I kept wondering…shouldn’t my birthday be when I am supposed to receive and not buy gifts? HAPPY VALENTINES, Cat!!!
Happy Valentines Day Cat! You’re my only Valentine this year!!!
I love Valentine’s day because of what I get after….wink wink. I will gladly dole out the dollars to buy two dozen roses (real men do two dozen), champagne, strawberries, steaks in the shape of a heart (thanks Safeway), lobster and a balloon for my kids for the fun I have in bed after and to show my wife how much she means to me. Yes it is only one day and it fills the void between new years and my son’s birthday. It’s great I love it. I also love the looks from girls at the store when I browse around carrying two dozen roses and a balloon….price less.
Oh yeah and my wife’s smile when I give her the roses is totally worth it. TWO DOZEN ROSES.