The other day, my mom asked me what she called the million-dollar question: After everything I had been through — really rough pregnancy, a dog attack that sent me to the hospital, and an insanely hard labor and delivery where even the epidural failed to relieve my pain — was it all worth it?
I think the real question is: Would I do this again?
My first, gut response is no. Hell no. There’s no way I’d relive all that pain and suffering.
But now, looking at this little baby, he somehow makes me feel like I’d do it all over again if I knew this was going to happen.
Women have told me throughout my pregnancy — even my mom — that I’ll forget the pain. I won’t remember having two catheters in me at once. I wouldn’t remember the intense pain of contractions that I felt for two straight weeks. I wouldn’t remember the feeling of being in active labor when the epidural stopped working. (Yeah, that was fun.) I wouldn’t remember going through all of that — the internal monitor in my uterus, the infection I got while in the hospital, the feeling that you’re being stabbed from the inside the uterus as it contracts — and then having a C-section. I wouldn’t remember how it felt to get the urinary catheter removed the next morning and having to walk, slowly and unsurely, to the bathroom on my own, hooked up to an IV and trying to nurse a newborn.
All that, yeah, I’d forget it once I was holding the baby in my arms.
This entire pregnancy was nothing how I had imagined. I saw women competing in triathlons in their third trimester, surfing well into their second, and sporting cute maternity clothing. I was lucky I took a shower during my pregnancy.
I really thought I was going to be that on-it mother, hiking and taking weekly Pilates classes, eating a schedule of healthy foods that would benefit the baby’s development, reading to him in the womb. Instead, I was puking in the office bathroom, surviving on cereal and Slurpees and taking a Unisom before I went to bed every night.
Women who saw me struggle through the pregnancy would often tell me, “Don’t worry. Hard pregnancy, easy delivery.”
Ask any of the nurses who saw me over the past two weeks and they’d tell you my labor and delivery was pretty bad.
I likely won’t forget the pain, not just because I’ve documented it in a journal that I’m going to give my son when he can read (just kidding), and, to be honest, I don’t want to.
The pain and suffering were part of this whole experience that resulted in a healthy, adorable (I’m biased) baby boy, and I couldn’t have wanted anything more.
So was it worth it? Of course.
Would I do it again? Ask me in a month.
13 Comments
You’ve got a great story that you’ll be telling in the months and years to come and have joined the ranks of those who have endured battle scars in the days of yore. Thank God for modern medicine, technology and hospitals, imagine not having any of those. I gave birth in the Philippines and there were women laboring in the hallways because there were no more rooms available and they stuck me in a storage room where everyone was walking in and out to get supplies. I had a nurse from the depths of hell who screamed at me when I moved and the catheter came out. “Do you know how much trouble it is to reinsert this?!” she bellowed. Ah, but I love to tell my story now. I was pregnant 30 years ago this month and I remember the pain like it happened last week. Away from family and friends and in a third world country I thought I was going to crack and had some pretty substantial post partum. Good news…I made it and have a prize of a kid who helped me take care of my own mom when she was bedridden. You’ll love this journey, strap yourself in and get ready for the fulfillment and joy and the never a dull moment that motherhood has brought you. Sending you love and hope I get to see a glimpse of another fabulous Fox that has come into the world.
Congratulations! What is baby name?
Congrats Cat! Blessings to you and Kai on your new journey called “parenthood”.
You know, every pregnancy is different. I had three babies naturally, granted I asked for drugs too late. Back then, we didn’t order up ahead of time, but the memory of the pain is a blur. My oldest is gonna be 36 on 12/18. Did u tell you I actually enjoyed my last pregnancy?(3rd) I was 39yrs old! The first one is always the hardest!
They say the pain of having babies is the hardest to bear and the easiest to forget… just got to look into that sweet face.. makes it all worth it❤️
I hope you have at least one more. ????
Congrats and thank you so much for writing this. I love reading about your adventures and journey to motherhood. One day hope to have a family and your story just supports the fact that the physical pain is one thing but your little one makes it all worth it. So happy and excited for you all – sending hugs and love!
I haven’t forgotten. I don’t think you ever forget. So sorry you have had such a rough time of it. The first one is the hardest I think. The shock to your body lessens (and your mind is prepared!) for the next one. The nursing is definitely easier the second time around. I don’t think you should answer the question ( would you do this again) quite yet. It is worth it but it can sure be heck mentally, physically and emotionally. I had a bit of a rough time and had some post partum depression. If you have nursing issues, consult a lactation expert. If you can’t get over the “weepies” ask your dr for help. Give yourself a break. You need to rest and recuperate and the only thing you should worry about or be responsible for is feeding the baby and recuperating. That is all. Take the pressure off of yourself to be the Cat you were before. You will get back eventually but for now… recover. Best wishes.
I think I felt my nether regions twitch when I read your story and the comments! Glad you made it through!!
ps in my adult years, my mom held it over my head and reminded me constantly of what a hard labor I gave her. So I imagine you might, too, if you’re in an argument!
pps lemme know when I can come over!
So wonderful to see you and your beautiful son. my second sons pregnancy and labour were horrific and yes I went on to have a third son. I do think the memories of the pain do diminish .
Congratulations,
Congrats Catherine on the baby boy! I have a one year old baby boy and also had a rough time getting pregnant, being pregnant, and a rough delivery! It’s nice to be able to relate to others who also had a rocky time – I want to hit those women who have no issues and are walking around fine two days after delivery! It’s definitely all worth it but no I wouldn’t do it again! One and done!
Congratulations an your beautiful bundle of joy. Isn’t it great? Parenthood is wonderful. As for the pain, I barely remember the pain that my wife went through.
Congratulations on the birth of your son. You interviewed my wife Karen and I right after we got married in 2005 when you worked for the Advertiser. At the time we had just found out we were going to have a baby. Our son’s birth was rather quick with Karen not even having time to receive an epidural. In fact the nurse at Kapiolani said that was the first birth she experienced where the mother never received one. 10 years later we are still enjoying our time with our son Dante and realizing how fast the years go by and wishing it didn’t.
Cherish your time together. Soon he will go from a little baby boy relying on you for everything to a son that want’s to dress his how he wants, watch what he wants, eat what he wants and basically do his own thing. But you still love him and worry about him and want to make everything he does successful.
Enjoy your adventures together and remember time waits for no one.
Merry Christmas and a Joyful New Year.
CAT: Congrats on baby boy Fox who has paved the way for more after you recover from this and the terrible 2s. The first one was protracted labor, breech, C section, and issues with stuff in the lungs. Intensive care for a week or so. The wife I am sure cursed me and probably ready to sign a contract hit. Second one was smooth as glass. Then wife said no more! I am happy that I cannot get pregnant!