Question: My current boyfriend of five months is a diehard Republican. I knew that going into the relationship, but I didn’t realize just how into the whole party thing he is. I knew he voted for (President George W.) Bush — but twice??? You see, I am a strong supporter of the Democratic party and now that we are the throes of election season, it is becoming more and more evident that we cannot agree or get along. Can our relationship survive, even just the election?
Answer: Well, you can’t say you don’t have stimulating conversations at the dinner table!
To start off, I would say you have to figure out if his allegiance to the Republican Party is really, indeed, a deal breaker. For some, it might be, considering you might differ on values and viewpoints integral to your relationship. (He might be against gay marriage and its lifestyle, for example, and you may have a bevy of gay friends.) This might make it hard for you both to agree on certain things, especially when it comes to raising a family. Differing political views is akin to religious differences, in a lot of ways. And that’s not something very easy to work out.
But, on the flip side, these could just be politics — like how you might disagree about favorite books or proper toilet seat etiquette.
I have a friend, for example, who’s vegan. But she met a red meat-eating hunter. And now they’re happily married with a beautiful daughter. So it could work.
A wise woman once told me that it’s not about looks or lifestyle or even what you share in common. “Find someone who’s kind,” she said to me. “Everything else doesn’t matter.”
Good advice.
Anyone else got something to add?
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18 Comments
Good advice. If the person seeking the Dr’s input considers the legislative and executive branches of government to be a big factor in her day-to-day life, it may not work. For example, I cringe every time I hear an intelligent person say that “Barack Obama runs the country.” He has a big job, but he only runs one branch of our federal government (a small part of what this country is and does). If she believes similarly about the role of George Bush’s 8 years in Washington (a huge impact on every aspect of her life), I give the relationship 3 more months, tops. As the Dr points out, if the couple has many interests and joys outside of electoral politics, they can make it work.
Hello Dr. Cat!
A relationship is more than just what party you belong too.
Love goes beyond politics, viewpoints, “I like dogs, she likes cats”, and other dual opposites. Just need to work it out.
Electronics, Physics, and Math have a Principle of Duality where an object or quantity can be replaced by its dual. A close equivalent for humans would be to “put yourself in the other person’s shoes”. Look at what they’re supporting or trying to see from their point of view.
Electromagnetic Theory says opposites attract. In personal relationships maybe opposites do attract but too much opposites in a relationship might not be good. Compromise would be a win/win situation for both parties but can only be stretched out for so much.
Every relationship is based on communication. Talk about it, listen to each other, try to understand the other party. If that doesn’t work out then you possibly enter the “I’m sorry/Make up” phase, but that’s beyond the scope of this comment.
Basically I’m just saying that humans interact with each other like the forces in nature. Sometimes you’ll find compatibility right off the bat. Sometimes you just won’t click.
Individuality is a trait common to humans. We are who we are yet can be molded or swayed to look at things from another perspective. Whether we choose to accept the “mold” is still based upon the individual.
Dr. Dish:
There is one other item that factors in…is he RICH???!!!
I’m a Republican and the wife is a die-hard Democrat. Many times we end up “agreeing to disagree”. We love each other because politics does not rule our lives. We have other common interests and we’ve both become more “moderate” as far as our political opinions. I will not, however, eat Natto or “rotten beans”. She seems to love that culinary disaster. Blechhhh!
If Maria Shirver (a Kennedy democrat) can marry Arnold the Republican Gov of California then it can work.
60 % of marriages end in divorce. Disagreements over political ideology ranks pretty low in reasons for divorce.
I couldn’t do it… But I know a lot do, like James Carville and Mary Matalin. Thank God my GF and I have the same political views… what’s funny, is we didn’t start out that way.
Hahahaha, my Korean born wife was somewhere to the right of Atilla the Hun on the political spectrum, but I am kinda progressive. Going back to the Bush days you gotta consider the people who ran against him, Al Gore and John Kerry. Hardly the best and the brightest in the Democratic party.
@Maxcat Maybe not Kerry, but Al Gore’s not dim. Besides, next to Bush, Palin’s an Einstein. 🙂
I would think a couple’s differences matter only as much those things matter to each individually. In other words, you could have a couple who are politically polar opposites but neither really cares all that much about politics in the first place. But if it matters deeply to one person then that could be problematic. And if it matters deeply to both, good luck!
Good. You’ll never lack for conversation. Perhaps years from now you’ll both be more independent thinkers, able to understand each other’s point of view.
It all depends… if political disagreements lead to mutual growth and understanding wonderful…. if not look out. Some people’s politics drive their entire existence and to them liberals, or right wingers are ‘the enemy.’ Most relationships end because of three bigger reasons… money matters, infidelity, and mismatched expectations.
Why does the Sept. 30th post keep disappearing?
@MaxMaxMax Are you referring to Cat’s latest entry? Let me know — I need to make sure things are all good after we restored last night.
@johngarcia Hi John. She posted this morning regarding cyberbullying, etc. It doesn’t seem to be available now. (Browsing with Safari 5 & Firefox 3.6.10/Mac OS X 10.6)
However, on the iPhone, it shows up (using the mobile version of the NSH website).
@MaxMaxMax Hey Max — It’s most likely attributed to stale cache. If you go to the front page, you should be able to access. You might also consider restarting your browser. E-mail me if you still don’t see it: [email protected]