Question: I am living proof that nice guys finish last. My girlfriend of six months dumped me and went back to her abusive ex-boyfriend, a guy that cheated on her and made her feel bad about herself all the time. Here I am, I never hurt her, cook dinner and clean the house, always nice to her, and she chooses this jerk. What is it with bad boys that girls seem to like? Why do girls always complain about “where are all the nice guys” and when they get one they dump him?
Answer: I can’t say that I disagree with you. There are women out there who love the bad boys — like Charlie Sheen who, after throwing furniture and yelling in his hotel room the other day, was hospitalized and still gets acting gigs and chicks — and I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s the idea that they can change him, that they can make this awful person a better one. It’s a bit self-absorbed, when you think about, that we have this power to change people. But I can see the appeal.
I had a pretty awful boyfriend once. And people always ask me, “Why did you stay with him for so long?” Part of it is because this awful person, on those rare occasions, would be nice to me — and it seemed so worth it. He made me feel like I was special. Of course, this was all crap and he was a jerk, period. We eventually broke up and I decided nice is underrated.
But the same argument can be made for us, too. We think a lot of guys dig shallow, bitchy, high-maintenance women. Guys will argue they don’t — “No, I really want a nice girl I can bring home to my mom” — but wind up with exactly the opposite.
Here’s how I look at it: If a woman wants a bad boy, let her have him. You’ll find some nice girl who’s looking for a nice guy — like you. Why would you want anything else?
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Dear ‘living proof,’
Perhaps you should consider not cross dressing. And, opening a can of spam and pushing the button on the rice cooker doesn’t exactly make for a nice romantic din.
It always comes down to self esteem, if you have low self esteem you are attracted to high maintenance jerks. This is true in both directions. When you age a little or mature or whatever suddenly those jerks no longer look so attractive. It is a tough life lesson. If you find yourself attracted to jerks, learn to love yourself first and the problem will go away.
@dbjack I’m not sure if it’s a Love-Hate relationship or if there’s a need for attention or a need of want. I agree with you on the low self-esteem.
I haven’t figured out what girls like about bad boys either, and I am a lady! Let me know if you do figure it out. It will save me a lot of headaches when giving relationship advice, something people love coming to me for despite my lack of expertise in the subject.
I like nice, kind girls who are happy with themselves. But as soon as signs of whiny, high maintenance bitchiness show up, I”m outta there. Life is too short to waste my time and money on these chicks, no matter how hot they are. Add crazy to the list of trouble signs. Alot of chicks seem so normal at first, then mental disturbance shows up. Then it’s time for Cody to run.
Hello Dr. Cat!
Short of abuse, which is never warranted, girls who are attracted to bad boys deserve what they get because they should know better… I’m talking things like inattention, cheating, leeching, etc. Go with the guys who cook you dinner and wash the dishes girls!
Good advice Dr. Dish. Plus, who can understand or explain the workings of the human heart and the properties of human attraction?
okay … was being bad before, but suspect that we are missing quite a bit of the ‘rest of the story’ on this Dr. Dish question.
I’ve always subscribed to the theory that bad boys ignite at the cellular level, a basic calling in women to nurture, guide and improve. Maybe women have that, but idk. If they do or did, modern society probably bred it out of them.
Conversely, I’ve always been attracted to the bad girl. They are confident, know what they want, aren’t afraid to say so and go get it. There are lots of women who obtain of those attributes but aren’t ‘bad girls’. But they are not as exciting. We call them lawyers.
Maybe, for both sexes there’s the lure of the rebel in the other sex. Maybe, in landing one of these we feel we have a special power in ourselves. Or, maybe, it’s just like Lady Ga Ga sez..”if it’s not rough, it isn’t fun.”