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Massage therapists: does gender matter?

By Catherine Toth Fox • October 8, 2012 • Musings, The Daily Dish

My husband — like many of my male friends — refuses to get a massage from a male therapist.

And he doesn’t like the idea of me getting one from a guy, either.

See, I don’t care about the gender of my massage therapist. Men, women — it never matters. I’ll take anyone who’s available — as long as they know what they’re doing.

I have certain standards for massages — and gender has never been a factor. I want my massage therapist to work the areas I request and keep the conversation to a minimum. That’s it. I’ve had too many experiences where the therapist massaged an area I recently injured and talked the entire session. Once, I had a therapist who was recently dumped by her boyfriend and she took out that anger on my lower back. It wasn’t fun.

But back to gender.

Guys aren’t always the strongest; the most brutal massage I’ve ever had was by a Chinese woman in a clinic — and I hurt for days. And I don’t feel uncomfortable getting massaged by a guy, either. Let’s face it, many OBGYNs are men. Talk about a vulnerable position to be in. So it’s never mattered.

But for my guy friends, it does.

Anyone else feel the same way? Or are there other instances where gender matters to you?

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Catherine Toth Fox

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9 Comments

  • Reply David Jackson October 8, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    I’ve had massages by both, never thought about the gender that much before. In Asia massages are awesome, especially the feet, and very relaxing. In Thailand three years ago an over the top gorgeous late 20s Thai lady gave me an amazing massage. Yes I so wanted to flirt with her but didn’t. We are talking serious heart palpitations… But hey I am single. Did run into her in the lobby of the hotel one day, she was very nice. And then her boyfriend showed up…. dammit.

    BTW: I think jealousy is stupid.

  • Reply M October 8, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Hello Cat!
    I haven’t had much massages but I think I would prefer a female over a male therapist.

  • Reply jaydee October 9, 2012 at 3:19 am

    I only had one massage from a guy and that was before a 10k race; they were offering them free for all the runners. He only massaged my legs so it was cool. He did wonders and I ran the fastest 10k of my life.

  • Reply rayboyjr October 9, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Hey Cat … I am absolutely not secure in my masculinity and I’m not ashamed to admit it … it would be, at the very least, uncomfortable to be massaged by a man … I can’t imagine lying there half naked while another man rubs, massages and has his bare hands on my naked skin … yikes …

    … I guess if I were blindfolded and never knew the gender of the massage therapist, it wouldn’t matter … but that probably won’t ever happen … soooo …

    … call me silly, insecure, whatever … just give me female hands please …

    … but I don’t care wnat gender my doctor is, or hair stylists … in fact, the best hair cuts I’ve had were from gay men …

  • Reply Nomadic Samuel October 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    As a guy I recently had the best massage of my life in Thailand by a big burly man with delicate hands. I think gender doesn’t matter.

  • Reply Joy Domingo October 24, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    As a female LMT, I have no preference about the gender of my therapist. Thats now, now that I am a therapist myself. The very first massage I received was by a male therapist, who was close in age and not bad looking. I never let myself relax because I was self conscious about my weight (all 120lbs. of me), and concerned that he was going to touch my butt, and if it was an accident that he brushed my boob. Worse massage ever, mostly because I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t know I had the choice to request a female therapist.

    I became a massage therapist to focus on pre and postnatal massages, as well as to become an Infant Massage Teacher. I do know that my co-workers and I, male and female have good intentions. We become therapists to help. I am currently working in Hawai’is newest and most beautiful (yes, I am biased) spas. There are currently 30 or so LMT’s who were hired out of the 1,000 or so who interviewed. If you go to a high end spa, therapists are chosen wisely.

    With that being said, we’re here to help and heal. Although I have no preference, I feel a client should always have the choice. If you wouldn’t be able to let go and fully relax with a male therapist, stick to a female.

  • Reply Tom December 3, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    Competence matters. Maintaining a therapeutic framework and boundaries matters. Professionalism matters. Communication matters. Eliminating from practice therapists, male AND FEMALE, that violate ethical, moral and legal boundaries matters. Ridding ourselves of negative stereotypes matters. Being an advocate for the minority (men in this case) matters. Critical thinking matters. Protesting against media propaganda and negative portrayals of the massage industry and massage therapists matters:
    https://www.abmp.com/news/abmp-calls-for-cancellation-of-lifetime%E2%80%99s-unsavory-mt-portrayal/

    Whether a massage therapist’s genitalia are internal or external is not and should not be a factor in receiving massage, but those who make it an issue speaks volumes about the state of hysteria and moral panic that grips our culture. We should all give thought about whether our “preferences” are simply bigotry grown fat on a diet of propaganda and media bias.

    Ultimately, gender should not matter in the professional practice of massage any more than the color of the therapist’s eyes.

  • Reply Tom December 3, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    Competence matters. Maintaining a therapeutic framework and boundaries matters. Professionalism matters. Communication matters. Eliminating from practice therapists, male AND FEMALE, that violate ethical, moral and legal boundaries matters. Ridding ourselves of negative stereotypes matters. Being an advocate for the minority (men in this case) matters. Critical thinking matters. Protesting against media propaganda and negative portrayals of the massage industry and massage therapists matters.

    Whether a massage therapist’s genitalia are internal or external is not and should not be a factor in receiving massage, but those who make it an issue speaks volumes about the state of hysteria and moral panic that grips our culture. We should all give thought about whether our “preferences” are simply bigotry grown fat on a diet of propaganda and media bias.

    Ultimately, gender should not matter in the professional practice of massage any more than the color of the therapist’s eyes.

  • Reply Gina Rinni March 5, 2016 at 7:42 am

    I’m a Christian married woman and I never let a man touch me ,massage me, dance with me ,or any other things that involves skin to skin contact . Being nude under skimpy sheets in a room with a male and letting him run his hands all over my body is just isn’t appropriate and modest for me .Syre he’s professional, sure he’s seen many nude female bodies,but Gid created man and women differently .
    Man has only one thing in mind and we all know it too well .
    Even male nurses and make doctors fondle molest their female patients what more a bidy worker .
    I’ve received bidy massages from mal therapists before I was married and I got one really bad experience from a male therapist who made inappropriate comments about my butts and boobs. I stop the session when he kept brushing his fingers on my vagina . I took him to court and he got imprisoned . I felt ashamed for being a littke easy and immodest as a devouted Christian.
    A good wife should know how to guard what’s between her legs and this is enough for a happy marriage.

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About Me

About Me
Born and raised on O‘ahu, Hawaiʻi, Catherine Toth Fox has been chronicling her adventures in her blog, The Cat Dish, for more than a decade. She worked as a newspaper reporter in Hawai‘i for 10 years and continues to freelance—in between teaching journalism, hitting the surf and eating everything in sight—for national and local print and online publications. She’s currently the editor of HAWAIʻI Magazine.

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