Happy 10th Birthday, eHarmony!
Now why is that millions of Americans are still single?
Or, at least, why am I still single?
See, the ads almost worked for me. I was lured in by the seemingly sincere couples — all of whom weren’t bad looking, by the way — who had found love online. They filled out that ridiculously long questionnaire — friends of mine said it took them hours to complete — and within weeks got matched with people who fit their love request.
But I just didn’t buy it. I’ve heard too many horror stories about online dating — from weirdos who are looking for quick hook-ups to potential online stalkers looking for “love” but in the wrong sense — that I’d rather date the hard way. Meaning, meet people IRL, you know, over lunch, at coffee shops, in line at the grocery store. (Or, in my recent case, through friends who convinced me this was the last good single guy on the planet.)
It’s not like in college where you could sit next to dozens of single guys — all age appropriate — who are following, at least at that time, the same path as you. Now, in our 30s, we’re scouring drugstore aisles and doctor offices, nagging friends or browsing Facebook pages to search for that potential mate.
It’s shameful, really. But that’s our reality.
Interestingly enough, according to a new study out of Stanford, adults who have Internet access are considerably more likely to be in a relationship than those without it. It went on to say that “in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners.”
So maybe eHarmony’s onto something. At least its new ad campaign — directed by Academy Award-winning documentarian Errol Morris — seems to profess that.
“Love Begins Here,” it says. Let’s hope it doesn’t end there, either.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOkTjYcwAhk
Watch the new eHarmony promo
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To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at [email protected].
17 Comments
You meet weirdos everywhere, online, at the grocery store, the library, and even at work. Or maybe the whole world is comprised of different types of weirdos looking for the complimentary weirdo. Personally I think that these reality shows are making it look like there is perfection out there everywhere. There is so much focus on that perfection and the over analysis of it that it seems likely that there must be that perfect thing out there somewhere. This past season of the Bachelorette made a believer out of me that there is too much emphasis on this perfection concept, like picking the perfect sofa out of a catalog, rather than following how people really feel. You get the feeling sometimes that what everyones opinion of someone is might just be more important than their own feelings. We all know people who are in relationships with people they don’t really care for, one lady I know is with a guy 100% because he is a doctor. She still pines away for her high school sweetheart and he doesn’t seem to care because for him she is that pretty girl hanging off his arm at parties. I’ll never forget my ex’s comment that people that believed that ‘nonsense about for better or worse’ were the most naive people on the planet. I suspect I am not the only one that has noticed that our society has turned into mail order catalog relationship mode. So wherever it is you meet someone just remember one thing, take time to find out if your network, your money, your looks, your fame, or whatever isn’t the real objective because there is nothing worse than a two decade relationship with someone who views you no differently than furniture.
I was one of the thousands who found their love on eHarmony. This was about 7 years ago about the time it started to explode. In truth, I got a free one month trial and met the man of my dreams. My husband (yes, we got married a little over 5 years ago) is someone I know I wouldn’t have met through conventional methods. I was living in Las Vegas at the time and he in Georgia. After spending several months getting to know each other, he flew out to meet me in person. The rest they say is history. This method does not always work for everyone, and I had met up and dated others locally through the Internet. I got lucky and found the person who matched me, and I don’t mean we have the same interests in every category. We fit because we are opposite in good ways and same in the ways which are important. Love is strange and when you find it no matter where that might be, it just makes sense.
I’ve been doubtful of online dating sites. Yes, there are horror stories, but there are success stories as well. So I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s an option. Just like going to a bar is an option. Yes, finding love has risks; but sometimes taking that risk is important. If it isn’t for you then it isn’t for you. If you don’t feel comfortable using an onlne dating site, you will not be comfortable with the person who you are matched up with. As the other posters mentioned, there are no ‘perfect’ matches. Everyone has baggage. (Which if you haven’t watched “Baggage” yet you will have to see it at least once). Can’t believe I’m gonna quote Jerry Springer, but I will: “Love begins when we can carry each other’s baggage.”
finding somebody is one thing. finding somebody you are willing to partner with for life is probably no easier using the internet as using any other method, some of which seem to me, a lot wackier than eHarmony – SpeedDating? that, i could never figure.
the ones that really crack me up are the ads in mags like Dupont Registry, International Watch Review, Cavallino and other lux-pubs. those are the ones that advertise “Model Quality Introductions”.
I guess it’s no surprise that the internet would be a resource for romance. the first time i ever saw the internet on a computer screen in the office of our company’s newly hired IT guy, i thought it was a service to find Russian wives for American men.
I think online dating sites are like the solar-powered flashlight. For less than a split second, it seems like a good idea and then you realize it’s not.
Yeah, you’re right, there are weirdos everywhere. I’m just so skeptical about “meeting” people in a virtual world. Have you ever been on Second Life? STRANGE. But I do think it’s the future. I mean, we’re doing everything else online… why not date?
Is the commenting feature back up and working? Drove my self crazy last night trying to post, LOL!
Being in coupledom for the past 18 years with my GF and our friends in the same boat, I’ve only known one person to have tried online dating. She had a plan to get married and eHarmony did it for her. I always wondered if he was just “the guy who fit her profile for a husband,” that worked in her plan. To this day, they are still married, so what do I know?
As for me, I think had I been single, I would’ve stuck with the old-fashioned way of meeting potential dates… in person or setup by a trusted friend.
@islandgirlinnc Wow, you met your husband through eHarmony? I never knew anyone who found true love online before and I honestly didn’t think it happened outside of commercials. Yours is a great story and it reminds me that I need to work on my preconceived notions more.
@Cat I haven’t tried Second Life but yeah, that seems to epitomize strangeness. Makes me wonder how much our daughters will get into this type of escape later on.
My wife and I met on-line and I know other happily married couples that met the same way. It’s not for everyone but it does work.
@Andreas – I did meet my husband through eHarmony. It was a free one month trial, and I got lucky. I never paid them any money to be on the site. I had filled out the app and when I saw the price, at the time I was so busy with work, I didn’t sign up. My husband had been on it for a few months. I was the one who actually initiated contact with him though he was the one who really pursued me. 😉 As I said, I was busy with work, so communicating and chatting online (at first) was not a priority for me. My husband was the one who kept it up. We got to know each other very well before evening talking about meeting. I actually didn’t believe we’d meet since he lived so far away from me. I honestly wasn’t on a mission to get married when I looked at eHarmony. Curiosity go the better of me. I am not trying to say eHarmony is greatest yada, yada, yada. I have a friend who tried it several times and did not meet the one. Like I said, it works for some and not for others. Some people are comfortable going to the bars while others are comfortable going virtually. Whatever the method, you have to have the connection. Without the connection, there is no love (lol)! I got lucky, and I tell myself that every day. My husband is kind, smart, loving, respectful and many more things. Above all, he gets me. And isn’t that what we want? Someone who “gets” us? 🙂
CAT,
Here I go for the umpteenth time again to post a comment. I thought yesterday was just an aberration but looks like it is happening again. I am not very computer literate but trying to post on this site is getting to where I may have to go to eHarmony to find someone who can help me with is blog site.
@Annoddah_Dave Jordan from Livefyre here. Yesterday and even parts of today were pretty rough for us. But we’ve made a ton of fixes and updates, and we’re seeing 100% post success from the past 6 hours on our servers. What is the error you’re seeing so we can look into it?
@Annoddah_Dave Hey Dave — really appologize for the trouble you’ve been having on our comments. Cat has nothing to do with it. 🙂 We’re doing our best to make sure you folks have the best experience while browsing our content. Would you be willing to give me more information about your browser and computer platform? We can pass that information on to the peeps who can make things better. Thanks for your patience!
@jkretch @Annoddah_Dave Looks like JKretch beat me to the punch. We’re in good hands!
@jkretch: This is the 3d attempt to post a reply. I use Mozilla as a browser. I use create your own sign in for the login. I fill in the Livefyre banner then it tells me the eMail address is already registered and to login. I fill out the second banner but nothing happens until I go to another site and comeback. Then I am logged in. This is a pretty convoluted process so either I am doing something wrong or my computer has too many firewalls or it was not meant to be for me to be here. I am ready to un-bookmark this site, too bad cause I really enjoy Cat’s blog.,
I agree that eharmony can work for some. I tried it for a year but never got matches for months without a match. I would say use what means are available. Give it a try and if it don’t work or you get the heebeegeebees then forget it and continue to use what you got!!! Supermarkets here we come!!! nah j/k. I know what you mean though it gets harder as we get older!!! Hang in there and good luck!!!
The thing about online dating is that you need to treat it as just another way to meet people…it may be true that it attracts a certain crowd that tends to be less appealing to you, but I think that as the stigma associated with online dating goes away, it will be a more representative cross section of the dating pool.
The other thing that lots of people forget – unless you plan to live your life online, you need to bring it into the real world as soon as reasonably possible. You simply can’t tell if there is good chemistry without meeting in real life. Once that first date happens, I don’t really see how it’s any different from meeting someone any other way, to be honest.
For what it’s worth, I met my girlfriend on eHarmony about two years ago – she signed up for a free weekend to prove to her friend how stupid it is, and look what happened…she also managed to avoid paying them a dime…:)