Last Friday I caught the first installment in a series on NBC’s “Today” about relationships between mothers and daughters.
This one focused on the question: should moms and daughters be best friends?
More than half — 57 percent — of responders to an iVillage poll said no, that it’s not OK for moms and daughters to be best friends, a la Lindsay and Dina Lohan, who were often spotted partying together in Los Angeles.
“There needs to be boundaries,” said one expert. While it’s OK to find commonalities and things to share, she said, moms and daughters shouldn’t be hanging out at the spas or malls together.
Had you asked me this question years ago, I would have said no, parents shouldn’t be best friends with their kids, period.
But I’ve found over the years that there are some parent-child relationships that do work as friendships – including mine with my mom.
Are we BFFs? No. But we’re close. She’s likely the first person I’d call if anything happened to me — good or bad — and the only person who knows everything about me, my life, how I feel, how I think.
Let’s put it this way: we talk on the phone at least six times a day. (Seriously.) And sometimes we just watch TV together and yammer away, like two teenagers.
Sure, I don’t tell her everything and we don’t do Hello Kitty shots together at Kanpai. But we have a relationship that’s part friendship, part mother-daughter that I think is very special.
Plus, she can eat. That’s a requirement of all of my friends.
To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at [email protected]
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You’ve only got one Natural Mother that gave birth to you, nurtured you, and most likely molded you to become what you are now. As @thedailydish mentioned, your mother may not be your bff, but I’ll bet she’s the next best thing to a bff.
You need to cherish your parent’s love while they are still here. Once they’re gone then one generation of values and traditions will either disappear or be perpetuated with the new generation.
Awesome, Cat! I think its fine to be close to your Mom like that. Its important and shes the only one you’ll have. Hello kitty shots at Kanpai, huh? Heh
@johngarcia Hey, my mom would’ve been down for those if she were 35, too. 🙂
Cat, very nice story. I am willing to bet that when you were growing up that your Mom did establish and enforce certain rules. Providing guidance — which is different than just being a friend — during the developmental years is critical in my opinion. Your Mom provided the foundation that enabled you to become the person you are today.
@Eric It’s interesting — we’ve only become “friends” in the past few years. I mean, we’ve always gotten along, but now that I’m older — and less annoying! — we can talk more as adults, which is nice. I love that part of our relationship.
Hello Kitty shots ???? Do those taste good ???
@CodyZamboni OH YEAH. Go to Kanpai on Ward Avenue and ask for ’em. So good. But it hurts the next day.
When I was younger I did not get along well with my mom. She definitely wasn’t my best friend, but I can say she taught me a lot. Now that I am a college graduate and out in the real world, I really enjoy spending time with her.
My best girlfriends are very close with their moms, and it was only a matter of time until I would become a grown up and want the same relationship with my mom. Now we love to travel together, go water skiing or to the mountains, or just have dinner together (I live down the street from her work).
When I was a teenager the last thing I needed was another friend, I needed a mom. And now that I’m an adult and I turned out alright, we can enjoy each other’s company that much more. So no, I’m not taking shots with my mom, but we did go to a chocolate tasting together!
Simple really… while the child is being raised–no. After they are a “mature” adult, (at whatever age they become mature)– then absolutely! Being friends with parents is a great and wonderful thing.
you’ve struck the right balance for an adult child’s relationship with a parent, whether daughter/mother or any other combination. the parent lets go of the discipline roll and accepts her child as an adult friend, treating her with all the respect she would any other friend, including respect for privacy.
the child shows the same respect for the friendship that has evolved, but also seeks counsel on important matters in life, respecting the wisdom of years. this is something in which we Americans are woefully deficient.
one of the saddest mother daughter relationships is the kind where the mother, unwilling to let go of youth, tries to be the best friend in the way a contemporary of her daughter would be. it’s selfish and it’s unfair.
we all want our children to grow up to be independent adults, and it happens so fast. but there is a bittersweetness too. it’s the ’empty nest’ syndrome. as much as we take pride in the successful navigation of our offspring to adulthood, we also morn the loss of the child- the innocent small one whose whole world revolved around our love and our care.
Cat, great topic. Cherish each moment. I lost my mom when she was still young, and we never had an adult-to-adult relationship. I have a couple of friends to had lost both parents before those friends were adults – can’t even imagine not having a mom or dad growing up. Saw jennalanger’s great comment, and it is thanks to jl that I am no longer experiencing technical difficulties. Tip o’ the cap to jl
i like ur mom! never met her, and just now saw her pic, but i like her!
@nonstopmari You should eat with her. TONS of fun. 🙂
There’s a limit on what parents should know in my opinion. My wife tells her parents everything we do. I’m surprise on how much they know what we do daily and sometimes that upsets me.
What a nice photo!
I think it’s great that you are good friends with your Mom. I know people that will only see their parents during Christmas and that’s sad.
Yyyaaahhhoooo! did not have to go to another website after log in to make comments!!!! Tenks to the IT staff!!!
Just waiting for tomorrow’s blog: Should Daughters and Fathers be best friends???!!!