When I first launched my blog, oh, about eight years ago, I included a weekly post titled, “Ask Dr. Dish.” I would get questions about everything, from which restaurant has the best steak to how much should someone spend on a wedding gift.
Since I’ve been still getting questions every now and then, I decided to resurrect Dr. Dish — not weekly but occasionally — just to give these curious readers some answers.
And, to be honest, it’s not my response that matters. It’s yours. Most times I have NO IDEA what the right answer is — but you do. So that’s why I’m bringing it back. It’s time to help each other out!
So here’s one of my latest questions, one that I addressed back in 2009. But it’s time to revisit this topic.
QUESTION: My boyfriend is a bad tipper. It is so embarrassing! He does not think it is necessary to “reward” good service. I used to wait tables, so I am always tipping people AT LEAST 20%. Who’s right on this one?
ANSWER: I’m like you — I always leave the standard 20 percent. And I tip everyone — valet, maids, hair stylists, massage therapists. I even leave my spare change in those tip jars at Subway and Starbucks. But our tipping culture can be very confusing — and stressful.
It was SO liberating, while I was vacationing in Japan, to not feel pressured to leave tips. You paid what it said on the bill and that’s it. There was something so relieving in that.
That said, we’re in the United States, where tipping is part of our culture. So back to your dilemma.
I’ve gone to dinner with people who didn’t tip well — or sometimes at all — and yes, it was embarrassing to say the least. I feel like, in some ways, it’s a reflection of their character.
So what do you do? If you don’t want to discuss it with him — I would just tell him straight-up — then I’d offer to leave the tip and save yourself — and him — the embarrassment.
What do the rest of you think?
If you have a question for Dr. Dish, e-mail [email protected]
32 Comments
You’re right on this one. Those who haven’t worked in the food industry will not understand the art of tipping. And, tipping is not a city in China.
LOL!
Aren’t tips usually factored into waiters/waitresses pay?
I usually go by 15% being a standard tip at a restaurant. That’s what I was taught in my family. If service isn’t up to par, I might tip slightly less than 15%. It’s rare though. If service was better than average, I like to tip well (20% and higher).
I’ve gone out to eat with co-workers who were bad tippers. Usually, I just ended up increasing my share of the tip to what I felt was appropriate to make up for them not leaving any (or too little).
You never know when your server might just be having a bad day, or is the victim of circumstances beyond their control…
I always give 20%. It’s the new standard, unless the service – not the food, which is not in the waitstaff’s control – is bad. If you don’t plan on that before you leave home, don’t eat out.
That said, I NEVER tip for not-seating counter service where you stand in line, pay, and they just hand you your food (like at Starbucks, Cinnabun, etc. Not diners where you sit and eat at the counter). Never. And jars for tips at those places offend me. I’ve worked both types of jobs, and I know which one deserves (and whose pay is based on) tips.
Tip! Or you might get locked in the restaurant like those folks at La Fisherman last week. 😛
really standard is 20% now?? I’ve been giving 15 this whole time and 20 for great service
I give 20 percent because it’s easier to figure out in my head. However, if the service is bad, I’ll give them 15 percent.
I occasionally put money in tip jars.
LOL! That’s why I give 20 percent, too! Easier to figure out! (Bad at math; it’s why I write!)
I remember when I moved here from Japan four years ago, I was appalled at the idea of tipping. I “get” it now, but I always thought 15% is standard…20% if service is good.
YaY!….and i like you too.’cause actually 15% is the norm. So if service is just awful-10 percent. If its beyond the server’s control-bad food,for example, server shouldnt be penalized. Little xtra effort by the server-20 percent is just lovely.A schmoozer server,as in ,bugging me while i am trying to eat just to try to brown nose me isnt worth nuttin! A very nice gesture to show great appreciation for a job well done is to leave some cash if its like on a credit card or room charge.These are just my opinions. Food for thought: squeaky wheels are usually horrible tippers.Casual, easy going typesare nice and generous.
20% unles service is really bad. Sometimes more if our server made our visit really enjoyable.
I’ve been in the food service industry for many years. I was a waiter at an upscale restaurant, bartender at a night club, cook, etc. I’ve had the full range of tippers from extremely generous, to (no matter how great your service was) patrons that squeak when they walk.
Another word for tipping is gratuity. This comes from gratitude. The quality of the service, from the person that greets untill your bill comes, should reflect how much gratuity to leave.
Sometimes I leave a tip in the jars on the counter if the staff went the extra mile, for example letting me know a better or cheaper way to combine meals.
My pet peave is buffet restaurants that enforce a mandatory 20% tip for parties of 8 or more. If I can’t break up the party and make separate reservations, I don’t go.
It’s interesting how the tip percentage has increased. When I as younger 10% was standard and more for better service. Now it’s 20% standard. I don’t even remember when it changed. I do remember that employers could pay employees that received tips less than the minimum wage. This was based on the premise that the tips would make up the difference.
I ususally leave 20% but will readily leave less for poor service. I do have a difficult time when at a very expensive restaurant especially when you have a big ticket and very little service. Also, when in a situation where the tip is added in I rarely give more. I have had situations where this was the policy and the server(s) did a great job, left the tip amount up to me, and ended up with far more than the standard set by policy.
I used to work for someone who made six figures annually whose standard tip was 10%. I called him cheap, and he said he knows what good service is (he’s on-call for clients 24-7), and waiting tables doesn’t deserve that kind of tipping. I don’t work for him any more.
I start at 20% and the tip can go up or down from there. At sit-down places where I am a regular, the tip can go as high as 40% depending on how many people are in our party and how long we take up the real estate.
I will leave a tip at owner-run take-out lunch counters where I am a regular. As far as I know, that tip is shared with the cooking/prep staff. Even if it isn’t, it’s not as though those lunch counter folks make a lot of money – their margin is so thin.
If I’m mad, I’ll leave 10%. I can’t recall never leaving a tip because no one (so far) has ticked me off that much.
Yep, I too leave a tip. I even tip da lunch wagon peeps. I mean why not, some wagons sell you Huli Huli chicken plate WITH rice and mac salad for $5. No can go wrong. Help da bruddah out.
I tip 20%
If service is lousy, I’ll still tip, not as much
If service is real lousy ( example : waiting for 20 minutes for bartender to acknowledge me at the bar and take my order, when there’s me and only one other person, and during the time I’m waiting, he walks out for a smoke break, yaks on his cell phone non stop. Then after taking my order, never checks on me after my drink glass has been empty, and I finished my appetizer, so after 10 minutes, I say, ” When you’re not too busy, can I get the tab?” My check is $ 21.00. I leave a nickel as tip on the bar. Which pisses him off, and he yells after me, as I walk out, ” You left your nickel !!! ” ( this is a common phrase by bartenders to embarass customers in front of everyone ). I turn around and flash him the double daggers and walk out.
By the way, the name of the place was Ryan’s Grill at Ward Center. This was 6 years ago, never been back.
Another appropriate response might me, “No, I didn’t” (forget the nickel). Or perhaps, “sorry, I don’t have any pennies.”
Hello Cat!
I like the concept in Japan no tipping at all.
I tip 20% unless the service is bad then it’s 10 -15% depending on how bad.
Good Morning Cat,
I like to play with numbers so this is a good mental exercise. Start with 20% & with every gesture of bad attitude by staff decrease by 1% until the end of your meal. I’ve gone as low as 7% (never went back). Buffet–10% since you do the “work”. At times with truly exceptional service went as high as 35%. The amount of tips also helps to let the management know what wait people are going a good or bad job, provided they don’t pool tips & equally divide at the end of shift.
Which reminds me: last time I wrote about this, it was a question about tipping for take-out. I go to CPK and Zippy’s all the time and get take-out, and I’ve never left a tip. I was confused why people leave anything — except that it’s one the receipt you sign if you use your credit card. I just figured it’s the same receipt they use in the restaurant, so that’s why there’s a space for a tip. But I never used it.
Anyone NOT tip for take-out service?
I see no reason to tip for takeout. I am not taking up any real estate, nor is the staff waiting on me.
tipping on take out? do you tip at McDonald’s? CPK, Outback, Zippy’s take out should be no different. if i not eating there and you are there to hand me my food in a bag, sorry no tip.
I leave 15%, sometimes more for really good service. Recently, I have noticed that some restaurants have a system in place that calculates the amount of tip for 15%, 18%, and 20%, based on the pre-tip, pre-tax total, making it easy for the diner to leave the amount that they think is appropriate (no calculating required).
I can’t recall leaving a tip for takeout, but my wife has.
as another ex waitron, I leave a standard 20 percent and up it for excellent service (not the food). some of the largest (percentage wise) tips I’ve left have been for meals with sub par food because the wait staff bent over backwards when they realized that our food was not up to snuff.
when i get bad service, i leave a buck. (or a quarter if it’s a low end place where the total bill is about ten bucks). i want the wait staff to know that I did not forget the tip (which would be assumed if i stiffed them) and that I’m not (necessarily) cheap (which is what they would assume if I left a smaller than normal percentage). I’ll usually tip out the busboys if the waiter him/herself was the problem.
for dealing with a chronically bad tipper…not much you can do, I think. offer to pay the tip. add to the tip when he’s not looking…suck it up and deal with it. none of these will change the behavior. maybe make sure you only eat at restaurants in groups of 6 or more so that they automatically tack on 18% (do they do that in HI? they often do that up here in the bay area). maybe drop hints that you want an extra special xmas present so he’ll feel compelled to go get a night job. then steer him to a waiting position so he’ll learn how tipping works. then, you get the added bonus of a nice xmas present.
No tipping for take out…
Tipping as a reflection of my character? No way. I view tipping as a reflection of the efforts on the part of the server.
I’ve had BAD service, yet still tipped well, if I felt the staff was doing their best. Things often happen that are beyond their control. But if they flat out do a lousy job, they’ll get 10%, or nothing if the service verges on insulting. That said, I’m happy to leave 20% for a good experience, which is most generally the case. I’m also happy to tip extra generously when I’m in a group or when we linger over a long meal. For me, this is fair and pays off for those who are professional and try their best — two traits well worth rewarding.
To my knowledge, most restaurant servers are minimum wage earners and rely on tips to make a living. In fact, because of Hawaii’s $0.25 tip credit, employers are allowed to pay them $7.00. (An explanation can be found here: http://www.minimum-wage.org/hawaii-tipped-employee-minimum-wage. Increasing the tip credit and its effects on restaurant owners is a discussion for another day.) Also keep in mind that servers don’t work hours that most people do. They may work a 5-hour dinner shift, and may get sent home if it’s slow.
To answer the question of the stingy tipping boyfriend, it’d be best to get a restaurant job to understand the tipping system and develop some empathy. If not, stay home. I’ve always felt that bad tippers and picky eaters should learn how to cook and spare everyone else the trouble.
Or you can have a surly bartender look at the tip in the check folder and say, “Seriously?! Is that it?” Happened to my friend once at JJ Dolan’s, and, after the initial embarrassment, I thought it was hilarious.
I consider 15% to be the standard, but I usually tip 20% minimum. Exceptional service will get 25% from me. A tip is for good service. The server’s attitude, friendliness and effort will usually offset any mistakes. I never tip for takeout. I view a tip as a feedback mechanism for the servers also. If you constantly get shitty tips that means you’re a shitty server. In fact thats my motto….shitty service=shitty tip.
Also consider 15% as standard. It goes up relative to the service. I think it’s a mistake for those in the industry to look at tips as entitlements. Tips should be looked at as rewards for providing good/excellent service. Otherwise accept your regular pay, most of us in the work force do…there’re no percentage tip standards for your mail carrier, police officer, fire fighter, grocery clerk, teacher, flight attendant, dentist, etc. Maybe Japan has it right.
I always do 15% and am very nice to the wait staff. Over time I get treated really well and sometimes get a few freebies. I worked in a kitchen in college and know how damn hard those guys and gals work.
My wife tips on the low side but I’m a sucker who tips on the high side.
I guess that comes from me working in sales/consulting for 7 years, and having people milking me for information, but never intending to do business with me.